How to Cook is the third episode of the tenth season.
Transcript[]
Peppa: How to Cook
Narrator: On the first day of p*ssmas my wife gave to me. Drugs in a pear tree.
Peppa: It's SEPTEMBER! This is how they make cereal commercials. Instead of milk, guys, instead of milk, they put glue. And this is the cereal with milk. It looks like road kill. This is how to make an Intendo B*tch cake.
AND THEN TWO GUYS CAME
IF YOU ARE BRITISH
AND A KID FROM THE 2000'S
YOU MIGHT KNOW THEM
RU REDDY 4THIS
HERE THEY ARE
NON-BRITS, NOW IS YOUR TIME TO DIVE IN THE UK
ME BEING BRITISH, I KNOW THEM NOT THAT MUCH BUT STILL REMEMBER THEM TO THIS DAY DESPITE BEING A TEEN
AND HERE THEY ARE, BIG COOK BEN AND LITTLE COOK SMALL
DIVE IN
Small: Peppa, you suck at cooking.
Peppa: How do you know?
Small: Ur stupid!
*ding*
Ben: You can't go to Mississippi now Small. We've got a customer. Who's in our café today Small?
Small: I'll give you a clue, it's a user from the Peppa Pig Fanon Wiki.
Ben: A dolphin?
Small: That's not a user. Here's another clue. He is on the leaderboard as one of the most well-known users on the wiki. He is currently sitting at 13th place.
Ben: Sonicthehedgehog223?
no, currently #2
Ben: MuskStix?
no, currently #14
Ben: ScribbledEggs?
no, currently #7
Ben: Ballerinagirl?
no, #20, she used to be on the leaderboard but Power476 overtook
Ben: Power476?
yes
Fat Mario: Liar, I was dressed up as Power476.
Small: It wasn't Power476, but the actual one, he is one of the famous people ever.
Ben: Kim Kardashian.
Small: It's a he.
Ben: Justin Bieber.
Small: There's a sign saying "no people that suck" at the entrance. So Peppa, get out of here. It's Pario the Plumber.
Fat Mario: No. It's Mario. I want McDonald's
Gay Luigi: I hope you make lotsa spaghetti.
Small: Like everyone, I know this plumber. It's time to look in my book. Let's take a book in Little Look cook's.
(original: let's take a look in Little Cook's book)
Audience: *laughs their heads off*
Small: Little Cook's Adventures in the Big World, let me see. Once upon a time, Mario and Luigi were walking through the Mushroom Kingdom. Princess Peach offered the duo a picnic but she got captured by King Koopa and is in one of the seven hotels. You know what they say, all toasters toast toast. That was a great adventure. I don't know how to cook.
Ben: Jelly butts and pirate's c*ck.
Small: Princess Pee-Pee
Ben: Carrot cakes and carrots smiles
Small: And envalavola f*ck it. Have you cleaned the surfaces?
Ben. Yes. Have you washed your hands.
Small: COVID-19
Ben: All clean and ready to cook. Let's get started! But Mario hasn't told us which McDonald's product.
Ben: Let's just say he wants a Big Mac and fries.
Small: I forgot to do the wooden spoon adventure.
Narrator: If you ever wanted to see someone riding a wooden spoon on TV before, the time has come just for you.
Small: This is McDonald's. This kid is a bit anorexic. Let's give him a happy meal. Happy meal, wombo combo. OOOOOOOH OH OHO OH OH OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!! Oh, I see a Big Mac. I can't even remember the ingredients. Sweets are very good for you.
Narrator: And then the youngsters gained 15lbs through eating habits. Sweets are bad for you.
Small: Let's do the classic 1967 Big Mac.
Ben: I wasn't even born. What are the ingredients.
Small: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, in a sesame seed bun.
Ben: So, I'm gonna turn on the oven to 420 degrees Celsius gas mark 666. I mean gas mark 8. Make sure to get your grown-up helper to do that bit for you because your grown-up helper is a cow.
Small: For 666 minutes (11 hours and 6 minutes). Uh, it only goes up to an hour on this clock. Cook it for 60 minutes.
10 MINUTES LATER
Narrator: Oh sh*tlings. The café is on fire.
Miss Rabbit: Fire! Fire! Mummies to the rescue!
Narrator: The café is rekt.
Fat Mario: Finally it's here. It's sh*t. But why?
Narrator: That's why.
Ben: How much money do I get?
Mario: None.
Ben: Better wrap this up.
Milkshake Woman: We'll be right back.
Brian: Ever wanted to check your son/daughter's weight? We have a scale, made of Lego. Very comfortable.
Paul: Here is the backpack you need for going back to school. It is nice and black, look at that red writing, it's a Harry Potter backpack, right? Wrong! Only partly. This is Sonic the Hedgehog. And the word "Obama." Look at this.
Milkshake Woman: Now, back to the show.
amazement
*credits roll*